Killing Comparisons

The success of others doesn’t mean that we have failed. That was part of one of my devotionals this morning and it really hit me hard. It’s very interesting to me how many of us profess love for others, but still feel as if we have failed if others are succeeding and we aren’t. How much success should we really be striving to achieve? What does it mean when we are unable to feel joy for others and be proud of what they have accomplished without feeling like we should have accomplished something as well? The devotion that it came from was day 1 of Killing Comparisons by Nona Jones (It’s a 5 day free devotional on YouVersion). It brings forth some pretty interesting points. She has a book (here’s her site if you are interested: https://www.nonajones.com/killingcomparison) and I am planning on getting it to read for myself and will possibly try to review it.

Teddy Roosevelt once said, “Comparison is the thief of joy.” I’m not certain the context in which he meant that, but I tend to like Teddy Roosevelt quotes and this is one of my favorites. Perhaps I need to research why he said it and what brought him to that conclusion, but I think, for now, I will just roll with what he is saying. How many times have I felt slighted or less than because I compared myself to someone else? It happens all the time. I used to think it just happened because I am hyper-driven to succeed, not just for myself – I am hyper-driven to make others proud of me. In fact, if I let myself get really real about things, I have based most of my view of myself on whether I made others proud or was dependable to them and for them for most of my life.

What does that have to do with comparison? Well, in order for me to feel successful, I compare what I am achieving to people around me. There are some instances in which that is healthy, but there are a lot more where it is really detrimental. You see, I compare the successes but forget to compare the experiences and how we got there. I don’t take into account anything they have done previously or I have done previously. I don’t take into account the season of life that anyone involved is currently living, and I don’t take into account any barriers that may exist. By the way, I don’t just do this with work. I do it with everything in my life.

I saw this quote this morning, and I thought it was interesting that I ran across it while I was spending some self-care time and the house was quiet. It seems as if it is meant for those audible words. The ones we say out loud. You know, the out loud voice that sometimes gets ahead of your brain. I’m thinking about it differently today. What if it also applies to the words we say in our heads. The ones that don’t make it out into daylight. The ones we say about ourselves when we look in the mirror. “I’ve lost a lot of weight, but not as much as ______.” The weight is dropping, but now look at this skin. So and so didn’t have that problem. Why is my body fighting me?” “Why am I not good enough?” “What did I do wrong?” “Why was _______ chosen over me?” Those are some pretty sobering words. You might even call them poison words. If I know they are poison, then why have I said them all within the past week? Why does someone else’s success mean I’m not successful? Why does someone else’s accomplishment mean I’m not accomplished? Why does an indication of success by another automatically indicate failure for me? The easy answer is that it doesn’t. You see, in order to kill the comparisons, I have to learn to love myself, regardless of what I am doing or accomplishing.

It’s funny, I spend a ton of time telling new and future teachers that they have to love themselves and be proud of what they are accomplishing. I tell them all the time to not play the comparison game and not try to be something that it is not their season to be. Why don’t I ever tell myself that? Why do we focus so much on giving great advice to others that we can’t follow ourselves? I’m not sure what is stopping us (or really me since I don’t think I can speak for all of humanity) from acknowledging the success of another without downgrading myself. I’m not super sure why I tie self-worth in with making others proud. I’m not sure I even have the answer to any of the questions that I am asking in this post. What I am sure of is that today is Thanksgiving in America. It is a time to spend with family and friends. It is a time to express gratitude. Maybe, just maybe, it is a time to love myself first. Maybe, just maybe, it is a time to start killing the comparison game and just feeling true joy for the accomplishments of myself and of others. I’m not sure what the future holds. I know that today, I am proud of myself and celebrating the success of others. I’m going to try to no longer be in the business of comparing.