Yes, I know, it has been forever. You know what they say about best laid plans and good intentions. Anyway, I’m back. And there have been lots of changes happening around here. In December, I was named as the Director of the program that I had been the coordinator of, I decided to do a second edition of the textbook, I am working on the Perfect Chaos book, I’ve decided to write a book about going through bariatric surgery (the mental side of it), the kids have stayed busy, David got appointed to the state board of EMS and a national board, Summitt finished her therapy dog stuff and got approved for that, 120 pounds has dropped from my body, I had gallbladder surgery and I honestly don’t even remember what else has happened. I’ve done better about meal planning every week, but if I forget to do it or get busy, it seems like our whole week is shot.
There it is. The pictures I haven’t felt like I should post because a lot of days I don’t see the difference. It’s a weird space to be in when you know there is a difference, but you can’t necessarily see it. Overall, since my first doctor’s appointment to start the process of gastric bypass on April 28th, I am down 121 lbs. I am right at 5.5 lbs. away from being in “Onederland” (which I still have a hard time believing). I’ve set my reward for when I finally get to that fabled place of a weight that starts with a 1. I’m going to order myself a Wolfpak backpack for the gym. The outfit I have on in the March 2024 picture was what I rewarded myself with when I hit 100 lbs. lost. The weird thing (other than not seeing the difference some days) is that I still have clothes that I wore over 120lbs. ago that I wear now. It’s a struggle on most days to determine what to wear. Then I find new things that I never thought I would be able to wear and get super excited. I may or may not have cried when I was able to buy a pair of Crown and Ivy shorts in a size 14.
Even weirder is that I still am terrified that this isn’t going to work. That at some point, I will wake up and this increased energy and mobility is going to have gone away. That the weight is going to come back with a vengeance. That I will stop feeling like I am almost cute. I am back to eating what I want, just in much smaller quantities. I still track what I eat. I am always thinking about what is the best decision for the moment that I am in and learning to not give myself a hard time if the best decision at the moment isn’t the best decision in the world but it is what I can do now. I’m still losing weight. It is just mentally a weird spot to be in and a weird way to think. My biggest fear right now is that it won’t continue. Not that I want to lose weight forever. That isn’t a thing, but that thought that it will stop and I will balloon back up is constantly in my mind. I’m not sure if it will always be there, but it is there now.
I guess that is really the big update. I’m going to do better about getting updates out there, both on here and on the Perfect Chaos website. I know, you’ve heard that before, but my goal for this summer is to really get myself in a good place with habits and schedules to better balance out what I am doing. Until next time…
Beautiful Minds Inspire Others 