life – Beautiful Minds Inspire Others

Life is Changing

Posted on July 28, 2024 by Dr. B.

We are ramping up to one of my least favorite times. I absolutely hate election season. I didn’t use to hate it. I used to be fascinated by it. I liked to hear how people thought they could fix the city, state, and country. I liked hearing the plans they had. I even enjoyed listening to some of the debating that happened. But, life is changing. This is no longer a time that I look forward to because it brings new ideas and fresh perspectives. It is now a time marked by hate ads, ugly words, and broken friendships. It is a time where the fresh perspectives and new ideas have been replaced by criticism, lies, and mean girl sayings that would make Regina George look like a saint.

I grew up being told that there were just certain things we didn’t talk about in public – politics, religion, and other people. Why did that change? Why is there no civil discourse? Why am I getting attack ads in the mail every single day? I listen to a lot of people talk and I keep hearing the same things over and over. If we are all tired of it, then why are we tolerating it? Why are we okay with consuming it? I stop at the trash bin outside the house everyday and throw the ads away before I even make it inside with them. I don’t want that junk in my house or in my life. Life is changing, and I’m not sure I like it.

Today, we take B to football camp with his team. He will be gone for 4 days. I’m excited for him. This will be a good time for them, although it is a tough time with lots of work. Yesterday, we took him back to school shopping. We are headed into his junior year. When I pick him up from camp, he will be less than 2 weeks from driving on his own. The days are winding down where he needs me to get him places. The days are winding down where he needs me on a daily basis. I’m excited for his junior year. I’m excited to see the hard work the team has been putting in all summer pay off on the field. I’m sad to acknowledge that the time is growing short before he will be off on his own. I look at him and don’t see the little boy that I used to see. Life is changing, and I’m not sure I like it.

A is getting ready to turn 21 and start her senior year in college. She works practically full time and has her future set in her mind. She doesn’t really need us, and that is good. She’s doing what she needs to do. It is still a little weird to think that she will be moving on with her own life. Pretty soon, she won’t look to us for advice or things that she needs, she will be doing it all on her own. I’m excited for her, but… Life is changing, and I’m not sure I like it.

I’m ramping up to head back to work (in the office, I’ve been working from home most of the summer). We will welcome in a new crop of freshmen, transfer students, and graduate students. I will have a whole new group of job-embedded students. I’m handing over a couple of my classes for the first time. I’m excited, but also nervous. I absolutely trust the people I am handing them to, but I have this control issue that is hard to let go of. David will be back to working every day, we will have football at night and on the weekends, A will be working and in school, B will be driving, I’ll be back to teaching in person a full load (but with one less night class). I worry about keeping up some of the habits that I have put into my life that have made it better this summer. I will miss the boat days and being able to work surrounded by the dogs and the cat. Life is changing, and I’m not sure that I like it.

You know what, life is changing. Although there are some aspects that I may not like, there are others that I am looking forward to. In the end, it will all happen the way it is supposed to happen. The election will eventually end and maybe people will get back to being civilized. Whether I like it or not, I can’t change it. I can just live the way that I feel like we should be living. Not allowing the junk into my life, ignoring the hate and the ugliness, and trying to make the best decisions I can make. B is going to be driving. I will worry, but I am also really proud of the human he is becoming. If he doesn’t grow up, I will never see what he becomes, so there is good in that. I want to see who he ends up being. The same thing with A. I can’t wait to see her accomplishing her dreams as a lawyer. She’s had a ton of growth in the past year. It is so worth it to watch them grow up.

While it is hard to think about a new semester without some of the students that I had previously because they graduated, the beauty of teaching is that I always get new students to pour into and love on and I get to watch them become who they are meant to be. The changes that are coming for David and I will be beautiful and peaceful as we move towards that empty nest and having time to just be the 2 of us. Football will slow down, track will start and end, and it will be summer once again. B won’t need me to get to practice anymore, but that also means he is gaining independence. Life is changing, and I’m choosing to embrace it. I may not like everything that is happening, but the end result will be amazing. I am sure of that.

Inspiration, This is me

Sunday Funday … or is it?

Posted on July 21, 2024 by Dr. B.

Sunday Funday. That’s a phrase I hear often and even one I have used myself. I was cleaning out some books yesterday and found one that I had gotten to try to incorporate more Sunday Fundays when the kids were little. As I looked at it, I realized that I didn’t even open it up enough to bend the spine. Last night, I took everyone to a Smokies baseball game. I had the whole thing planned out. It was Christmas in July night, they were giving away snowglobes, you could make ornaments, all the fun. We got there late so didn’t get a snowglobe (mind you, late was still 45 minutes before first pitch), it poured the rain on us, we only saw 1.5 innings of baseball, and there were no fireworks.

I look at both of those things and realize how bummed out I got that it didn’t turn out perfectly for either one. I also look at the fact that we ended up trying a new restaurant and laughing a lot at the game. We did make ornaments, and now we can go today and watch a doubleheader because our tickets are honored for that game since it rained so much and we saw so little baseball.

It seems like we all put a lot of pressure on ourselves to have the perfect Sunday fundays or the perfect experiences for our families, especially when our kids are little. What I have realized throughout the years is that it wasn’t the big things that made the difference. Sure, my kids have loved the Disney trips, but they’ve also loved the impromptu picnics or cooking dinner at the firehall. The random trips to Chattanooga to go to the children’s museum and the random movie nights at the house. They’ve even enjoyed the nights we just didn’t do anything “special” besides have dinner together.

Why do we continue to put an immense amount of pressure on ourselves to do more and to do it perfectly? It almost never ends up going as planned and then it can cause a spiral into a place where we just don’t feel like anything we do is good enough for our family. The birthday parties aren’t big enough, the gifts aren’t extravagant enough, the trips aren’t special enough, when in actuality what makes it all special is the time we spend together and focusing on each other.

Sunday funday today is going to be a lot of baseball, but most Sundays it is a lot of rest. It’s eating together, going to the grocery store together, maybe watching a movie together or maybe everyone going their separate ways. Stop putting so much pressure on yourself for it to all look perfect and start enjoying the small mundane things that make up our lives. Instead of planning the perfect outing for the day, jump in the car, turn on a fun playlist and sing together or have a great conversation while you just drive.

Enjoy each other today, regardless of how that looks.

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It’s Been a While

Posted on May 9, 2024 by Dr. B.

Yes, I know, it has been forever. You know what they say about best laid plans and good intentions. Anyway, I’m back. And there have been lots of changes happening around here. In December, I was named as the Director of the program that I had been the coordinator of, I decided to do a second edition of the textbook, I am working on the Perfect Chaos book, I’ve decided to write a book about going through bariatric surgery (the mental side of it), the kids have stayed busy, David got appointed to the state board of EMS and a national board, Summitt finished her therapy dog stuff and got approved for that, 120 pounds has dropped from my body, I had gallbladder surgery and I honestly don’t even remember what else has happened. I’ve done better about meal planning every week, but if I forget to do it or get busy, it seems like our whole week is shot.

There it is. The pictures I haven’t felt like I should post because a lot of days I don’t see the difference. It’s a weird space to be in when you know there is a difference, but you can’t necessarily see it. Overall, since my first doctor’s appointment to start the process of gastric bypass on April 28th, I am down 121 lbs. I am right at 5.5 lbs. away from being in “Onederland” (which I still have a hard time believing). I’ve set my reward for when I finally get to that fabled place of a weight that starts with a 1. I’m going to order myself a Wolfpak backpack for the gym. The outfit I have on in the March 2024 picture was what I rewarded myself with when I hit 100 lbs. lost. The weird thing (other than not seeing the difference some days) is that I still have clothes that I wore over 120lbs. ago that I wear now. It’s a struggle on most days to determine what to wear. Then I find new things that I never thought I would be able to wear and get super excited. I may or may not have cried when I was able to buy a pair of Crown and Ivy shorts in a size 14.

Even weirder is that I still am terrified that this isn’t going to work. That at some point, I will wake up and this increased energy and mobility is going to have gone away. That the weight is going to come back with a vengeance. That I will stop feeling like I am almost cute. I am back to eating what I want, just in much smaller quantities. I still track what I eat. I am always thinking about what is the best decision for the moment that I am in and learning to not give myself a hard time if the best decision at the moment isn’t the best decision in the world but it is what I can do now. I’m still losing weight. It is just mentally a weird spot to be in and a weird way to think. My biggest fear right now is that it won’t continue. Not that I want to lose weight forever. That isn’t a thing, but that thought that it will stop and I will balloon back up is constantly in my mind. I’m not sure if it will always be there, but it is there now.

I guess that is really the big update. I’m going to do better about getting updates out there, both on here and on the Perfect Chaos website. I know, you’ve heard that before, but my goal for this summer is to really get myself in a good place with habits and schedules to better balance out what I am doing. Until next time…