It’s Sunday morning, it’s quiet, I have come to the gym to do my normal Sunday stuff of paying bills. For some reason I just got this urge to go and do some stuff in my YouVersion app on my phone. Admittedly, I am the queen of finding Bible studies or devotionals on that app and starting them to make it a day or two and forget about it, so I am in and out on YouVersion a lot. This morning, I tried this new guided prayer thing that is in there. I decided to try it, I mean why not ya know? And as I worked through it, I actually wrote the prayer I wanted to pray for today. That may seem like nothing to some, but for me it is a big deal. I have never been someone that could just pray. I send short prayers to God throughout the day, but to just sit and think through a prayer is something I have always struggled with. So this morning’s prayer was a different thing for me. As I wrote it I realized that there is a difference between trust and faith.
I was always one of those people at church when others would talk about faith that God would provide or faith that was shown by giving away everything you own and following God that just kind of shut down. As I thought about it this morning, I realized that when I heard those stories faith and trust were used interchangeably. I also realized that I am still the person that when people say give away everything you own and follow God that wants a plan before we start. For years, I have felt bad because I didn’t feel like I had the faith that everyone else had. This morning I realize it isn’t the faith, it’s the trust.
You see, to me, faith is a belief. I can believe something all day long. Trust actually requires me to let go of control. To find myself in those uncomfortable situations and not try to move myself out of them. To allow the things to happen, even when I don’t have control over them. Faith is saying I will do this thing if it presents itself at the right time. Trust is saying this isn’t the right time, but it is presenting itself so I will do it now. That whole concept may not make sense in anyone’s head but mine, but it made sense to me today.
I’m not really sure why I decided to write all this down and share it with the world. It takes me to places I don’t like to admit that I question myself. I guess for me, this is my version of trust. Trusting myself enough to feel like I am not the only one that ever has these thoughts or feelings or questions, trusting those around me enough to not be scared that I’m going to lose face by voicing these things, maybe even trusting God enough to protect me when I put this out there for the whole world to see. I don’t really know what the purpose is, but I know I felt like this was what I was supposed to do before I could start working. For today, I guess I am just going to trust that it is right. I’m taking action on the faith that I have.